Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Life Isn't Fair


Well, the tempest of creative energy that hit me finally moved away to more temperate studios. I have nothing to show from the last week save two alllmost finished pieces and a few not so finished ones. Why these waves of energy? I know women who have four children and throw enormous block parties and go dancing on the weekend and sleep six hours or less a night, and don't tire or get sick. I shit you not. How the hell do they do it? Why are they so blessed with energizer bunny like attributes while I come to the end of the roller coaster ride and crash for two weeks? And of course it's these crazy frenatic ladies who bear eighty children and populate the planet with MORE perma-charged children, and I am left in their wake.

I always over-do it. Then I burn out. Then my annoying chronic condition flares up and my body says, "laundry? hell no! Painting? uh-uh. Sit on the couch and stare out the window while small children climb mount Mommy, puncturing your ribs with their pointy apendages? You bet!". So while the desire to paint is making my brain spin I have to still my self. (my more zen like, less gripey self might say something meaningful like- these periods of so called calm are when I imagine up my next series of paintings, when my creative self refreshes, but Im not feeling so pleasent as all that right now).

And people say- ohhh- young children are just so wearing-just wait until they are in school. My mother is one such person who says this. But at my age she raised my brother and I while working on her PhD disertation while taking care of a ranch full of animals while working a part time job while cooking and housekeeping for my rather traditional father. Of course NOW she can't babysit Phineas and Benjamin for more than two hours without collapsing, exhausted, and rushing home. So I guess she just delayed burn out. Maybe the mom of four, who, by the way, is also a part time nurse (yeash) will also burn out someday. And why does frenetic nurse lady get the parents who can't WAIT to take the grandkids for a weekend, hell a whole week!

It's just not fair. I really hate it when life isn't fair. It really gets my goat.


  1. oh bugger, seemed like you were in good form last night anyways, maybe you can channel some of that energy!

  2. First of all- I LOVE this picture of you. I really love it. Second of all- I know exactly what you mean. I burn out constantly and have even less excuse than you!!! (Because of having only the one kid) but I think that creative energy, the kind it takes to make your paintings, is not an even keel thing. I think it demands periods of frantic work and then when you step away from the canvas you have to recharge even if you don't really want to. I am finding for myself that writing a book is much different than writing a blog post every day or writing homesteading posts. This kind of writing takes an intense amount of concentration and sometimes you have to go with it. I wrote last night even though I really just wanted to lie down and read a less exacting kind of story written by someone else. But the words were there and a solution I had been looking for presented itself. I had to write.

    The physical issues, the different physical limitations that you and I experience also require energy and time to deal with them.

    I hate that life isn't fair either. But I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that we all have different paths and mine is no less important than anyone else's and also- I would remind you especially that what you are creating with your fine art is work that will outlast all the crafty goodness of most other parents. Your are a painter and your work is something others will be able to enjoy and pass down to their own kids- that's something pretty incredible. But of course, you have to pay a price to give your gifts to the rest of us.